Isn't That Rich Podcast

There’s a lot that gets discussed when a couple decides one partner will stay home to raise the kids. Childcare costs. Time with the kids. Career goals. But one thing that often doesn’t make it to the table? What happens to your financial future when you step out of the workforce—and how that choice can quietly shift the power dynamic in your marriage.

In this episode of Isn’t That Rich, we sat down with Anna Goff, a former stay-at-home mom turned financial empowerment coach, to talk about what it really means to protect your finances when you pause your career. And spoiler alert: this conversation is essential, whether your relationship is rock solid or on shaky ground.

Anna’s Story: From Full-Time Mom to Financial Advocate

Anna’s story is powerful—and all too common. After 17 years of marriage, she found herself facing divorce, completely unaware of what financial assets existed, which accounts her name was on, or how she’d support herself and her children. Despite having supported her husband’s career and managed the household for nearly two decades, she didn’t walk away with half of what they built. What she did walk away with was a fierce determination to make sure no other woman ends up blindsided like she did.

She was gracious enough to share not only her story, but the exact steps stay-at-home moms—and anyone in a financially vulnerable position—can take to protect themselves.

One of the most powerful moments Anna shared was the story of her work trip to Wyoming—a moment she now recognizes as the turning point in her marriage. It wasn’t a dramatic event, but rather a series of small, gut-wrenching realizations that piled up over one exhausting, humbling 24-hour period. It started with a simple plan: Anna, a professional makeup artist, had booked a job to do her cousin’s wedding makeup out of state. A familiar kind of trip for anyone in her industry.

But from the moment she boarded the plane, things began to unravel.

Her flight was delayed, then diverted, eventually landing her in Denver well past midnight. She was alone, exhausted, and trying to sort out next steps in an unfamiliar city—only to realize she had no credit card. The only money she had access to was what was sitting in her personal debit account: $600. That money had to stretch to cover a rental car, hotel, food, and anything else that might come up.

As the plane landed, she was frantically trying to rent a car from her phone, worried she wouldn’t be able to secure one without a credit card. Then, in the midst of that chaos, she discovered that her luggage was missing. She had no clothes—only the makeup kit she had packed for the job.

Alone in a city she hadn’t planned to visit, with limited funds, no suitcase, and no hotel reservation, Anna was stuck. She ended up eating a bag of peanut M&Ms and drinking a bottle of water for dinner before driving in the dark to Cheyenne, Wyoming—the nearest place she could find a hotel with availability during the busy Fourth of July weekend.

And still, she couldn’t even book a room on her own.

Her husband had to call the hotel himself and put the reservation under his name, using a credit card she didn’t have access to. She was 1,500 miles from home, sitting in a dingy hotel room she described as so grimy she laid towels over the bed and floor. Her entire life—professionally, financially, emotionally—was dependent on someone else’s permission and control.

And he didn’t understand why she was upset.

While Anna was panicking in Denver, her husband was out sightseeing with his mother and their kids, acting as if nothing was wrong. She had to call him three separate times the next morning just to get money transferred so she could buy a few basic outfits at Walmart and Target—enough to get through the rehearsal dinner and wedding.

Anna described sitting in the hotel parking lot, crying in her rental car, calling her husband and saying, “If you don’t put my name on the main account and give me a credit card, I’m divorcing you.” She had hit her limit—not just financially, but emotionally. The dependence, the lack of access, the fact that she had no autonomy in a moment of real need—it was the perfect storm of helplessness.

When she returned home, she stood in the bathroom, looked him in the eye, and said, “I would never want our daughter to marry a man like you.” That sentence stayed with her. It was the wake-up call she needed to reclaim her agency and, eventually, her life.

The Hidden Costs of Stepping Out of the Workforce

At first glance, the decision to stay home with your children can feel like a simple trade-off: one partner focuses on earning income, and the other focuses on raising the kids. But what often gets overlooked are the long-term financial, professional, and emotional costs that the stay-at-home partner assumes—and how invisible those sacrifices can be until it’s too late.

When Anna Goff stepped away from her esthetics career to raise her children, she was at a high point professionally. She had a solid reputation, was regularly booked for weddings and commercial work, and had built a clientele that respected and relied on her. She gave that all up to become the support system at home while her husband’s career took off. What she didn’t realize was that in doing so, she was also stepping out of the financial equation—and the longer she stayed out, the harder it became to return.

Over the years, Anna watched peers in her industry continue to grow their businesses. They expanded into new markets, raised their rates, and gained leadership positions in their fields. Meanwhile, she lost professional momentum, industry visibility, and the chance to build long-term earning power.

And the costs didn’t stop there.

When a woman leaves the workforce, even temporarily, she stops contributing to Social Security. She misses out on retirement matches from employers. She may lose valuable health insurance benefits tied to her job. If her field requires licensure—like Anna’s—the license may expire, requiring retraining, testing, or costly re-certification later. Skills that were once sharp grow dull without practice, and professional networks shrink. Each year away from work makes reentry more difficult, often requiring a complete restart at a lower pay grade and position.

There’s also the psychological toll. When you’re not earning an income, it becomes easy to internalize the idea that your work isn’t valuable—even when you’re performing the unpaid labor that holds your entire family together. From meal planning to laundry to late-night feedings, it’s easy to slip into the role of caretaker and lose sight of your own identity as a contributor outside the home. And that mindset can affect the dynamics in your marriage in ways that are subtle but powerful. Many stay-at-home parents start to feel like they’re “asking for permission” to spend money, especially on themselves—hair appointments, new clothes, or things once considered normal suddenly feel extravagant or indulgent.

Then there’s credit. Without earned income or credit cards in your name, you may not be building or maintaining a credit history. That might not feel important day to day, but it becomes critical if you ever need to buy a car, rent an apartment, or take out a loan on your own. Anna shared that even though she had excellent credit, she couldn’t qualify for a mortgage on her own after her divorce—because she had no income history. Her mother had to co-sign for her, at the age of 43, simply so she could secure housing.

Another hidden cost? The lifestyle you're helping build may not be sustainable if something happens to your spouse or your marriage. Anna’s children went to private school, the family owned two homes, and they lived comfortably—but without her husband’s income, she found herself facing a harsh reality. Even if she had been awarded the family home in a divorce settlement, could she have afforded to keep it? Mortgage payments, property taxes, insurance, utilities, maintenance, yard care—all of those costs remain, even if your income doesn’t. The court may give you the house, but they won’t give you the means to keep it.

These are the kinds of real-life consequences no one talks about when they celebrate the decision to stay home. And Anna’s point is not to discourage women from choosing that path—it’s to make sure they walk into it with eyes wide open.

Being a stay-at-home parent is one of the most demanding jobs out there. But without proper planning, communication, and legal protections, it can also be the most financially vulnerable position to be in.

Why You Need to Know What You Have

One of the most dangerous financial mindsets is this: “We share everything.” While the sentiment might feel noble, loving, or even romantic, it can quickly become risky—especially if only one partner actually knows where everything is, how much there is, and how it all works.

Anna Goff’s story highlights the consequences of not knowing. After nearly two decades of marriage, she learned during her divorce that her name wasn’t on several key accounts. There were retirement funds she had never seen, debt she didn’t know existed, and financial decisions made without her input. When the relationship ended, she realized she wasn’t just emotionally unprepared—she was financially blind.

It’s easy to assume that being married means automatic inclusion, but that’s not how legal ownership works. If your name isn’t on the account, it’s not yours—not in the eyes of a bank, and often not in the eyes of the court. If your spouse were to become incapacitated, or if the relationship were to end, you could find yourself with no access to funds, no legal right to ask questions, and no power to protect yourself or your children in the short term.

This lack of access doesn’t just show up during a divorce. Imagine your spouse is hospitalized unexpectedly. Could you pay the mortgage? Do you know the login to your joint checking account? Could you file an insurance claim? Would you know how to locate investment accounts, retirement funds, or life insurance policies?

Most people would say no.

And this doesn’t just apply to bank accounts. Anna spoke about how she didn’t know the code to their household safe. What would happen if her husband passed away unexpectedly? Would she need to hire a locksmith just to access important documents? What if he had digital assets—cryptocurrency, online accounts, or business logins—stored somewhere she didn’t know existed? Without the passwords, she'd be locked out of the life she helped build.

Knowing what you have doesn’t mean you need to manage all the finances. It means you need shared access. You need transparency. You need a clear understanding of your household’s financial picture—how much money is coming in, what expenses are going out, what debt exists, what assets have been accumulated, and what would happen in a worst-case scenario.

That’s the baseline for a secure partnership.

Anna urges every stay-at-home parent to stop seeing financial knowledge as something they might need one day. It's something they need right now. Because even if your marriage is healthy and thriving, life is unpredictable. People get sick. Accidents happen. Job losses occur. And when the unexpected strikes, the last thing you want is to be scrambling for answers while juggling everything else.

Knowing what you have is about safety. It’s about dignity. And it’s about giving yourself the ability to respond—not just react—when life takes a turn.

Retirement Realities Most Couples Miss

Ask most married couples what their retirement plan looks like, and you’ll likely get some version of this: “We’ve got a 401(k). We’re saving. It’ll be there when we need it.” For many families—especially where one partner stays home—there’s a quiet assumption that all assets are shared, and that whatever is “ours” will be split fairly down the line.

But that assumption can be dangerously wrong.

Anna Goff knows this firsthand. During her marriage, she and her husband spoke often about “their” retirement. She believed, like many stay-at-home spouses, that what was his was theirs. After all, she had supported him for years—raising children, managing their household, making sacrifices so he could focus on his demanding career. She trusted that when the time came, they’d both benefit from the life they built.

But when their marriage ended, Anna learned that a significant portion of their retirement savings—over $800,000—was not considered marital property. Why? Because it originated as a $30,000 gift from her husband’s grandparents before they were married. Over time, it had grown thanks to market gains, but since the seed money came as a gift, the entire account was deemed non-marital in the state where their divorce took place.

That meant she had no claim to it.

This reality stuns many women. The courts do not divide assets based on effort, fairness, or emotional investment. They divide them based on title and classification—and classification depends on when and how the asset was acquired, whether it was kept separate, and what state you're in when the marriage dissolves. Retirement accounts, inheritances, gifts, and even property bought with non-marital funds may be off-limits in a divorce, even if both partners assumed otherwise.

To complicate matters further, laws vary dramatically by state. Some states are community property states, where most assets are split 50/50. Others follow equitable distribution, which allows judges discretion to divide things “fairly”—but not necessarily equally. And these rules change based on current legislation and, sometimes, even the political leanings of elected officials.

There’s also the matter of spousal access. If a retirement account is in your partner’s name only—like a 401(k)—you can’t access it. You might be listed as a beneficiary, but you can’t view the balance, make changes, or even confirm contributions unless they share that information with you. And in the event of divorce or death, if beneficiary designations haven’t been updated properly, those assets could bypass you entirely.

Even more troubling, many stay-at-home spouses don’t have retirement accounts of their own. They assume that access to a partner’s savings will be enough. But without their own spousal IRA, investment account, or pension plan, they risk entering midlife with no safety net, no compounding growth of their own, and no financial independence.

Anna points out that women, on average, live longer than men—often 5 to 7 years longer. That means stay-at-home moms, who may already be trailing in savings, will likely need to stretch what they have longer. If the plan is to share a retirement account, what happens if their spouse passes away earlier than expected? Or if the funds don’t grow the way they hoped?

This isn’t about pessimism—it’s about realism. A stay-at-home spouse is taking on risk by forgoing income, benefits, and contributions. That risk needs to be acknowledged and balanced with real financial planning.

These are not conversations to push down the road. Anna urges couples to talk now—before there’s illness, death, or divorce. She encourages women to ask, “What’s the retirement plan for me?” and “How will I be protected if something changes?”

Because the truth is: if you don’t ask those questions now, you may not have the chance to ask them later.

The ORE Framework: A Roadmap to Take Control

After walking through years of financial vulnerability herself, Anna Goff didn’t just want to tell her story—she wanted to offer women a clear, practical path forward. That’s where the ORE Framework comes in.

Short for Open, Respond, Enforce, this framework isn’t just about finances—it’s about reclaiming your seat at the table in your marriage, your home, and your future.

Step One: Open the Lines of Communication

For many women, the hardest part is just starting the conversation. Especially if you’ve been out of the workforce for years, it can feel uncomfortable—or even confrontational—to ask questions about money. You may fear sounding suspicious, ungrateful, or disloyal. But Anna urges women to set that fear aside. Transparency is not an accusation—it’s a healthy foundation.

She recommends starting small. Don’t unload your worries at the worst possible time—like during an argument or as someone is falling asleep. Instead, say something simple like:
“Hey, I’ve been thinking lately that I don’t have a full picture of our finances. I’d love to sit down together and go over everything so I can feel informed and confident. Could we find a time to do that this week?”

This approach opens the door without putting your partner on the defensive. And in some cases, Anna says, partners are actually relieved. Many men end up managing the finances by default—not because they’re more capable, but because no one else has stepped in. They might be just as overwhelmed or confused and may welcome the support. Anna recommends reading the book Secure Love by Julie Menanno as a great resource to start having these important financial conversations with your spouse.

Still, not every conversation will go smoothly. Some partners may resist, deflect, or even belittle these requests. Anna prepares her clients for that, too—because how your partner responds tells you just as much as what the numbers reveal. If you’re shut down, mocked, or stonewalled, that’s not just a red flag—it’s a flare.

But if you never start the conversation, you’ll never know.

Step Two: Respond with Action

Once the conversation is open, it’s time to take real, tangible steps. Talking is important—but action is protection.

Anna helps her clients:

• Set up their own checking or savings account

• Apply for a credit card in their own name

• Create or contribute to a spousal IRA

• Get their name added to existing joint accounts or titled on shared assets

• Review wills, trusts, and beneficiary designations

• Keep personal copies of important documents

It’s also about small but significant steps—like knowing account logins, understanding monthly bills, and learning where documents like insurance policies or Social Security cards are stored.

These might seem like minor details. But when life throws a curveball—illness, death, divorce—those details become everything. Taking action turns fear into preparedness. It builds confidence. And it creates the foundation for security, no matter what life brings.

Anna emphasizes that this is not about secrecy or separation—it’s about shared access. The goal is not to hide money, but to ensure both partners are informed and empowered. When both people are part of the plan, the entire family is better protected.

Step Three: Enforce the Boundaries and Agreements

This is the step where most women hesitate. You’ve had the conversation. You’ve agreed to take action. But weeks go by, and nothing happens. Your name still isn’t on the bank account. The credit card application was never submitted. The conversation gets pushed aside for “later”—which often means never.

That’s where enforcement comes in.

Anna teaches her clients how to revisit the agreements they’ve made. Sometimes it’s as simple as a follow-up message:
“Hey, just checking in—were you able to add me to the account like we discussed?”

Other times, it means drawing a line and saying, “I’m not comfortable continuing to make decisions together until we’ve done what we agreed to.” Enforcing boundaries isn’t about nagging. It’s about protecting yourself. If there’s pushback, excuses, or avoidance, it’s okay to ask why—and to ask again.

In her coaching program, Anna acts as a sounding board during this phase. Many women feel isolated, unsure of how to readdress the conversation without tension. That’s where having a coach—or even a trusted friend—can make a big difference. You’re not being dramatic. You’re not being controlling. You’re simply following through.

Because at the end of the day, financial security isn’t a one-time chat. It’s a series of decisions, actions, and boundaries. And if you’re not part of that process, you’re not truly protected.

What a Healthy Financial Partnership Looks Like

A healthy financial partnership isn’t about who earns more or who pays the bills. It’s about mutual respect, shared responsibility, and informed decision-making. When Anna Goff talks about building a life with someone, she uses the phrase “co-CEOs of the household.” It’s the perfect analogy—because in any business partnership, both parties are expected to understand the numbers, know the goals, and communicate regularly.

In a healthy household, both partners know what money is coming in, what money is going out, and what long-term financial goals they’re working toward. It’s not that every single decision requires two signatures, but that both people could make informed decisions if needed. No one is left in the dark, and no one feels like a passive passenger on the financial journey.

This shared financial culture shows up in small things—like sitting down once a month to go over bills—or in big things, like making decisions together about buying a house, changing jobs, or planning for retirement. It also means both people have a voice in the day-to-day management of money. The stay-at-home spouse isn’t just “spending the breadwinner’s income”—they’re a full partner in how the household functions.

It also looks like honoring the unpaid labor happening in the home. If one person is staying home, that labor has real value. Anna often reminds women that the stay-at-home parent’s contribution—childcare, cleaning, scheduling, food prep, emotional labor—would cost well over six figures a year if you were to outsource it. In a healthy partnership, that work is acknowledged, not overlooked.

And when life shifts—if someone wants to re-enter the workforce, go back to school, or start a business—a healthy partnership talks about how to support that transition. There’s no resentment, no guilt-tripping, and no threats to withdraw financial access or support. There’s a willingness to evolve together.

Healthy couples set regular check-ins to talk money. They review insurance policies. They name and revisit beneficiaries. They talk about risk: what happens if someone gets sick, loses a job, or passes away. They don’t avoid the hard topics—they face them together. Because love doesn’t mean never asking questions. Love means wanting your partner to feel safe and secure.

Red Flags to Watch For

Not every financial imbalance starts out with bad intentions. Sometimes the dynamic evolves slowly—one person handles the bills, the other handles the kids, and over time, an invisible wall builds between them. But there are also signs that point to something deeper, and Anna encourages women to trust their instincts when things don’t feel quite right.

One of the biggest red flags? Lack of access. If you don’t have the login to your bank accounts, or if your name isn’t listed on the mortgage, retirement plans, or even the family car—those are warning signs. A shared life should include shared visibility.

Another flag is being excluded from big financial decisions. If your partner buys a car, refinances the house, opens a new account, or takes out a loan without discussing it with you first, that’s not partnership—it’s control. Similarly, if you’re discouraged from asking questions or made to feel guilty for bringing up finances, that’s a red flag too. Financial gaslighting can sound like, “You don’t need to worry about that,” or “I’ve got it handled—why are you being so nosy?”

Feeling like a child in your relationship—needing to ask permission for every dollar you spend—is another sign something is off. It’s one thing to agree on a budget. It’s another thing to feel monitored or punished for financial choices. When women feel like they need to justify spending money on clothes for their kids, groceries, or a haircut, something is broken in the communication.

And then there’s financial secrecy, which often accompanies financial abuse. If your partner is hiding credit card debt, refusing to share account details, or moving money around without your knowledge, it’s time to ask hard questions. In some cases, this type of secrecy can be a symptom of larger issues—like gambling, substance abuse, or infidelity.

No one wants to believe their marriage is vulnerable to this kind of behavior. But silence won’t protect you. Knowledge will.

Practical First Steps for Financial Security

If you’re reading this and realizing that your financial visibility isn’t where it should be, don’t panic. This isn’t about guilt—it’s about starting today. Anna offers several low-stress, practical ways to begin taking back financial control, even if you’ve been out of the workforce for years.

Start by opening your own checking and savings account. It doesn’t have to be secret, and it doesn’t mean you’re planning to leave. It just means you have access to funds you control. Even if you’re not currently earning income, you can start setting aside gift money, rebates, or transfers from your shared account.

Next, establish credit in your own name. This can be as simple as applying for a credit card in your name only. Use it for small, recurring purchases (like gas or groceries), and pay it off monthly to build your credit score. Good credit is essential for everything from renting an apartment to qualifying for a car loan or mortgage—especially if you ever need to do those things on your own.

Anna also recommends that women get their names added to any shared accounts or assets. That includes bank accounts, investment accounts, car titles, and property deeds. If your spouse isn’t willing to do that, it’s time to ask why—and not let the answer slide.

If your field requires a license, keep it current. Even if you’re not working now, you never know when you might need to jump back in. Volunteer, consult, take online classes—do whatever it takes to stay sharp and visible in your industry.

Lastly, create a simple document listing all household accounts, policies, passwords, and emergency contacts. Store it somewhere secure and make sure both partners know where it is. If something unexpected happens, having that information ready could make the difference between chaos and calm.

These steps may seem small—but they are the foundation of long-term financial safety.

How to Get Help: Anna’s Resources and Coaching

The good news? You don’t have to figure all of this out on your own. After going through her own experience, Anna Goff created a suite of resources to guide women through every stage of reclaiming financial visibility and control.

She offers a free resource library on her website, including checklists, conversation starters, and a list of questions you can bring to your spouse to begin these conversations. These are gentle, straightforward tools designed to help you speak up—without feeling like you’re picking a fight.

For women ready to go deeper, Anna offers a six-week private coaching program. During those six weeks, she walks you through everything—how to open the conversation, how to set up accounts, how to understand your legal and financial rights, and how to follow through when things get hard. It’s personal. It’s powerful. And it’s rooted in empathy, because Anna has lived it herself.

She’s also working on a printable workbook that women can complete at their own pace, offering structure for the often-overwhelming task of getting financially organized. Whether you’re preparing to stay home, planning to go back to work, or facing a difficult transition, her tools are there to guide you through it with clarity and courage.

You can access all of her resources and learn more about her coaching program here, and follow her on Instagram at @msannagoff, where she shares stories, hard truths, and empowering tips daily. 

Because once you know what to look for—and what to do next—you’ll never feel that powerless again.

Your Role at Home Deserves Financial Protection

Choosing to stay home and raise a family is a profound, personal, and often selfless decision. But it should never mean giving up your right to security, access, or autonomy.

Through Anna Goff’s story, we’ve seen just how easily financial vulnerability can creep in—often unnoticed, masked by routine and good intentions. But we’ve also seen the other side: what it looks like to take back control, start the conversation, and build a healthy, transparent partnership.

Whether your marriage is thriving or you're beginning to ask tough questions, the message is the same—you deserve to know where things stand. You deserve to be informed. You deserve to be involved. Not because you don’t trust your spouse, but because you respect yourself enough to protect your future.

Financial empowerment isn’t about expecting the worst. It’s about planning for real life. Life that includes curveballs, aging, transitions, and growth. Life that sometimes asks us to pivot, adjust, or rebuild.

If this blog stirred something in you—if it made you pause, reflect, or feel seen—you’re not alone. Thousands of women are waking up to this same realization. And the good news is: it’s not too late to take back your power.

The best time to start was yesterday. The next best time is now.